Missing Home Already

Wel I am back in London. Its been almost 11 hours since my plane touched ground at the Heathrow. I woke up at 3 O'clock in the morning because its half eight in india and my usual waking up time. The worse part is that I haven't been able to sleep after that. and its quarter past five now. I m missing home, my mom, dad, bhai and sis and everyone else.

One thing I have realised in this trip home That I want to go back home. and not sometime in future..... I want to go back as soon as possible.

I want a way to go back home.

Half baked Culture and Development

This time when I came home, I decided that I would not criticize any thing that happens in India. Unfortunately, after trying too hard, I couldn’t stop myself. Its just in general that I have develop a hatred towards the Indian lifestyle. Its no-one’s fault in particular.
I think I don’t like the very casual and laid-back attitude of people here.
The shopkeepers are finicky about a Rs. 5 note torn and joined with a tape, but they have no concern about the dirt and filth lying in front of their shop or in their surroundings.

During festivals everyone (Sweepers, guards, household workers etc.) want something extra because it is festival. But when you ask them to do a bit extra on their part, they definitely want more money for that. There is no festival then. Even in a day to day environment, there seems to be no common sense amongst people. The other day I got down to go somewhere and saw the air full of dust. So much that I couldn’t even breathe. On searching for the source of the pollution I found that the sweeper was cleaning the street. And I thought to myself that what is the use of such cleaning when each and every person in the surrounding, including the cleaner himself, is going to inhale atleast a kilo of dust by the time this so called cleaning procedure is finished. Moreover, by the end of it when the dust in the air settles down, there will be no more cleaning left. So where is the common-stupid-sense?

Driving in this country is just next to suicide anyways. No rules no regulations. I understand that its a phase of development and it will get better, but when and how. When people with loads of money and no respect for discipline are ruling the roads. Everyday there are people dying on the roads.

Should I say that everything will be good when all this undergoing development finishes. I dont know. But I really hope it does.

One day I want to go back HOME and be able to live there happily without too much complaining and changing myself.

Shopping List

There are so many things that I want to own. Alas! I never have enough money to get them. But I thought I would rather make a list before i forget what I want. So here it goes:
1. My next big buy is going to be a camera, I dont know when... but it will be. Saw some today but the price was beyond my sky.
2. iPhone.
3. Bamboo track pad.
4. Leopard (new Mac OS).
5. And many more.....will write about them when I'll remeber.

hahaha.

Benefits of being Home Alone

I have always dreaded this situation when I am left alone at home. But, this time, to my own surprise I am enjoying this loneliness. I can come at any time and do whatever I want, watch tv, cook food, play music; and much more without worrying about the others. No wonder selfish people like to live alone.

It does feel sad to come back home, but when you compare it with the perks... it is good. Sometimes.

Adios

...Both Ends...

Yeah Its true ...I have been burning my candle from both ends for a few days. Offcourse it doesnt last very long this way but trust me it does give a much brighter light. Party party and party for last two nights continously. What else.
Well there are things that I think of writing when I see them and experience but when I m in a much soberer state of mind....I dont feel like writing them. thats why I decided that i would write them no matter what.

So I go to clubs....ofcourse to enjoy myself and up to an extent to lose myself. Basic motive behind any normal male going out is to get laid. So is mine....no shame in confession. BUt but...

most of the times, instead of concentrating on aquiring one ..i get into the state of trance, psychological trance.
Dont know what is it with me that I don not attract the kind of woman I would like to. But anyways I like to look at them as well. So I do that without regret. Hahaha..

Interestingly, on thursday night I went to this club called Crash in Vauxhall and there was this guy, a photographer who was taking random photographs with his highly professional camera. I was impressed by his equipment. I reminded me of Prashant...and I thought may be it might be a good idea to introduce one photographer to another. So I tried to tell him about Prashant's blog, but he seemed not to be interested and full of himself...so I said fuck it , its your loss...u stupid idiot.

:)
Even though I didnt get any success with the girls but I did enjoy the night and got out of the club at 7:30 in the morning and reached home at about 10ish. Slept at 2:00 and wokeup at 19:30 and went out again.....

......this time with the collegues and to a much better place with good cheesy music. Its called Strawberry moons. Its off regent street and is a good place for people who like old cheesy dance numbers.
I leave you at that...will catch up later. right now I have to catch up with my sleep.

Preserving a Read.

"Deceiving Others. That is what World call A Romance."

Makes me laugh

It did make me laugh today when I grabbed a METRO paper in the bus and turned the page. There was a full page article with three panoramic photographs. They were splendid. But the speciality of these photos was that they were taken by a mobile phone............. yes by a mobile phone and then stiched together with photoshop and other softwares.

What made me laugh was that I had done exactly the same thing couple of years ago but never made it to the news paper. and I posted them on my Foneshot Blog.
And now a famous photographer takes nice quality photographs and he becomes the news.

Hahahahaha.

Dont Know what to do??

It seems stress follows me everywhere I go. Its happening all over again. Why cant I talk, why can people see my faults...why cant I hide them as good as they can ignore their own. I hate this all.
Why can I not live a life the way I want to live. Why there have to be rules with every thing. How far away can I go from everyone.....because this is for sure I aint living for others, except a few selected ones.

Enough is enough you like it or not.

A bit update!

Every day, so many moments and so many thoughts. And every time I think of recording them on this page. but by the time I m on my keyboard, the mental slate is clean and I remember no more.
Anyways, for last couple of months nothing is going as I would like it to go. But at the same time, on the other front the things are doing well. after ages I am writing.

just today got the news that my passport is back at the consultant's office, which is a good news. And which also means that I have to start thinking about my holidays and about applying for PR much before I was going to. anyway earlier the better. No complaints. Cant wait to go home....its been more than a year this time since I was at home last.

Well, home, here I come once again. SOON....just not yet.

Sweet and Sour

Yes as the title suggests. Its a very important faze in my life.......all going Sweet and Sour... just like Golgappa. You want to eat it and when you eat it you cry because of mirchi in it. A time of finalising the decisions made long ago. A time when I got what I wanted. At the same time missing what I dont have.

Last two months have been something a sweet and sour chutney. Good things happening hand in hand with the Bad ones. Happiness with the sufferings. On one hand being awarded with a much desired award and on the other hand being crushed under the burden of responsibility, from which there is no escape.

On one hand being Happy on getting extension, then on the other that means stupid financial loses, nonrefundible tickets, uncertainty in future planning. What to do , when to do and how to do? To top it all, the whole physical structure surrounding this thin skeleton needs servicing. Starting from the top hair to the tip of the nail of the biggest toe.

May be thats not topping it enough, so here come the different kind of service providers like BT.who for some reason decides to disconnect their services and charge me for terminating it before the due time limit.

Maine kya kisi ki bhains bhaga li thi kya?


Smile :) you are in bed with fever and cold and tonsils....and who knows what next.

Ye writing ki beemari lentor lagne pe hi kyon chadti hai.

A Friendship Reborn

Click Here to know more about the friendship.

जीवन की अापाधापी (Hustle-Bustle of Life)

इस जीवन मे हमेशा कोई ना कोई चहल-पहल बनी ही रहती है। आज हो, गुजरा हुआ कल या फिर आने वाला कल, हमेशा कुछ ना कुछ ऐसा लगा ही रहता है जो आपको चैन से बैठने नही देता। कल तक मै अपने वीज़ा के लिए परेशान था, indefinite मिलेगा या नही मिलेगा, वीज़ा extend होगा या नही होगा..... वगैरह-वगैरह।
उसका तो कोई हल नही निकला अभी तक, पर कम से कम एक दिशा तो मिल ही गयी है फिलहाल, सो जो होगा देखा जाएगा।

अब एक काम खत्म हुआ तो दूसरा सर पे खडा है। अब अगले हफ्ते घर बदलना है। आज अपने नये मकान मालिक से मिला, deposit दिया, शाम को कागज़ी कार्यवाही होनी बाकी है। अगर सब ठीक-ठाक रहा तो hopefully अगले हफ्ते तक मै॑ shift हो जाउ॑गा.

दखते है॑ अौर क्या-क्या नया है।

Still WONDERING!

Sometimes I think that why do we do what we do? Why do we laugh, why do we cry, why do we feel miserable and make others miserable, why do we feel pain and inflict pain? what makes us happy or for that reason what is HAPPINESS.

Why do we do so many things which we dont want to do and why don't we do so many things that we want to do? There are so many questions in this mind and so many confused answers. answers with there own different reasonings, and logics.

Normally I am a very straight forward person, I say whatever come in my mind and to whoever, but why does my tongue gets tied up when i want convey my feelings to someone? Normally I find a way through the problems I face during the course of the day, but then why can't I figure out how to get around this feelings stuff? You dislike someone, you tell it to his face, but when you like someone, why is it so damn difficult to tell them how you feel?
I have just dropped this girl to the bus stop, and I may never ever see her again. I walked with her for a mile or some in the middle of the night just to spend some more time with. trying to preserve every word every moment. But all we talked about was work and colleagues. The whole time. Yes a little about me and very little about her. but nowhere near enough to be comfortable to ask her that can/will you be mine ........forever (I dont know if thats even feasible).

But then, thats what feelings are. you dont control them. Even if you dont let them control you; you still dont control them.

Here I go again : Imagine me and you ...I do ........so Happy togetherrrrr...........????????????

Feeling!

I read something a minute ago and the very second i feel this sudden and instant change in my body. my heart rate goes up; I start shivering from head to toe, my ears start burning so furiously that I can see them scorching red without actually seeing them. I dreaded it. But I didnt have a choice, I cant be a horrible person. Thats why I had to do it and since then I dreaded this. Was kinda hoping for it not to happen so I get an excuse to dump everything. But it seems like my luck's not favouring me this "HAPPY NEW YEAR". its not going as smooth as it used to be.

I know, I am not going to sleep properly tonight, nightmares are going to catch up with me. I am scared, not of the dreams, but of the reality that follows it.
I am used to it though, so dont lose your sleep over my worries. and ......
NO QUESTIONS PLEASE....CAUSE ?....

NO COMMENTS!

Ale´Gross Bisous

Happy

I am HAPPY...HAPPY......HAPPIE. Why?
I got a new LAPPIE.
Yes my new Laptop has arrived on my lap three days back on 25th of Feb, 2007.
A Mac BOOK PRO
Intel Core Duo 2.33 GHz
2Gb 667 Mhz DDR2 SDRAM
DVD Double layer burner
120 GB Hard disc Memory


Do I need more? May be NO.....or may be YES.

HEHEHEHE.

Ale´

Last day

Yeah! today is my last day of my unexpected two weeks holiday. yasterday i delayed my departure from Midlands due to the heavy snowfall.This morning again I woke up to a white sight. Though it wasn't a new one, it was the same snow coverfrom yesterday, over every thing your eye can see. I have my coach to London at 8:00 in the night today. I was expecting the snow to melt a bit by then so the Motorways are clear.

But what I see within an hour of my waking up. Snow starts again. Yup its falling heavily again. I dont know whats gonna happen to the roads by tonight but its not going to stop me from going back to London, because I start my job back again tomorrow.

Snowman

I have seen a few snows since I have come to London. But this year it was special. The heaviest snowfall I ever saw. And as an icing on the cake I am on holiday.
Today was supposed to me my departure from Wolverhampton. Wolverhampton; where I am staying with my friend and his family. Last night wheather forecast was about heavy snow.I was excited.


This morning at 9:00 O'clock in the morning, on the first floor of the house in my room, I woke up to an amazing view outside my window. Everything was turning white. Not that i didnt expect it. but I didn't expect it still falling to kiss me Good Morning. It wasn't heavy. Still it was overwhelming for me. I thought may be it would stop in a few minutes as it might be falling all night. Offcourse I was wrong.

The following day was spent watching the falling Snow-flakes, now light and tiny and now big and heavy. Still holding the same cotton like appearance. Each falling flake I saw, I felt like running and grabing it just to find it melting as soon as it hit my palm. Hence I didn't bother bothering me. I LOVE SNOW. So was the day spent. Whole day inside the house and the world outside getting whiter and whiter every minute.

Now......what you do when its Snowing? yeeeeee........

YOU .......MAKE ........A......

SnooowMan.

YEEEEEEEEEHEEE

Yup. So Me, my friend Manni (he didnt help much) and his younger brother Gaggi, we started to make a snow man. Believe me I was soooooo excited. This was my first ever Snowman I ever made. We started gathering snow from everywhere; rolling the snow ball on the street, in the gardens, everywhere to make it bigger and bigger and bigger.
After almost an hour we had our Snowman ready.

5Ft tall.

My first Snowman.

What an start......of the New Year

Yeah I know its a bit late to write about new year. but its the first time I am sitting peacefully in a room with a computer on my lap. but this computer is not mine.
Its almost a month since the thieves took away my dear "Mac Powerbook", dearer to me than a girlfriend. I curse those pieces of shit with all the strenth that a wish can have. They have taken my life away. And thats the reason, I have been absent from this blog for a long time.
Still dont have a computer of my own, am using a friend's machine.

What amazed me was not the theft itself, but the response I got from the police. I always thought that the UK police was one of the best in the world. May be it is (in fighting with the terrorism) ????? but definately not when it comes to serving the locals who work hard and save money to buy things they need. And then these thieves come at leisure and take things away. All police did was take a statement on the phone, they didnt even bother coming and having a look at the scene. Three hours after I reported the burglary, here comes the forensics lady, who does her job, but obviously didnt find anything of substance.
After all this, thats it. I am on my own. All i have to depend on is the insurance of the things if I had any, which I never had.

Police was such a dissapointment, i must say that.

Innocence retained

Two minutes ago, I was walking towards my house on footpath ( which obviously was next to a busy road). Its then, that I saw a window of a bus, and a small hand waving at me. My eyes wandered inquisitively and somewhat fearfully towards the face of the owner of that little hand.

And instead of a mean and cheeky looking face, they found a very cute, beautiful and innocent face of a kid waving at me and smiling. I smiled back in reply.

The best thing about this whole two second transaction of smiles was that waving hand never turned itself into a sign of "middlefinger" or a shape of "V". It retained the pure innocence of the purest form of life and kept smiling till the end.

Time goes on

WELL! Another year spent here. Last year's been as good as it could have. Looking forward to the coming year.
Many important issues to attend.

So lets bring it on 2007.

And you all there reading this..............

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL.